my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
