He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
