We won't sleep together?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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