You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
