I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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