i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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