i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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