Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
