Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
