fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
