So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize