Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
