I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
