I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
