I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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