This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize