My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
