Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
