Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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