I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
