then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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