I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
