it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
