I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
