omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize