we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
