go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize