I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Drunk is not a location!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
