either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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