i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
