Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
