I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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