Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
