what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
