How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
