My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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