If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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