i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
