We're facebook friends in real life
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
