isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
