he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
