it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
