My Higher Power is John Stamos
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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