i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
