We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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