we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
