I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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