Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
