hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
