The maid of honor just puked.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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