i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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