it wasn't lemon gatorade
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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