you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
