he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
