You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
