I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
