we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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