She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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