Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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