Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
