Apparently you make a good broom.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
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