Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
