We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
